The Bastard wants to know - How's your interviewing style?

The Bastard wants to know - How’s your interviewing style? By Simon Travaglia Posted: 31/03/2003 at 15:36 GMT

BOFH 2003: Episode 5

Due BOFH 2003: Episode 5

Due to an unfortunate spate of Onion Bhaji poisonings at the staff cafeteria, you have been called upon to act as a member of the interview panel to select some computing ‘professionals’ for work at a distal site. Your company needs your help, but first, we need to verify your suitability for a role of such importants. Please answer these questions honestly.

  1. You need some time off from interviewing to check your email - how would you go about obtaining this time? a. Ask for a 10 minute recess b. Suggest the candidate ask some questions while you organise an annual report for them to look at c. Interrupt the interview for a ‘comfort stop’ d. Say “Man, I reckon that chick with the big tits is a shoe-in for this job!” - secure in the knowledge that you’ll both get your email and never have to be on another interview committee, ever again..

  2. You are expected to ask the prospective candidates a technical question to judge their ability. Your question is: a. Describe the main components of Active Directory b. Outline a basic implementation of a DNS system under Linux c. Decribe a typical installation of Sendmail d. Outline why Bill Gates is a running dog lackey of the current American Captalist Junta

  3. The best way determine candidate’s ability to handle extremes of pressure is: a. Rorschach inkblot test b. Generalised Aptitude Tests c. Referees’ reports d. Repeatedly making demanding phone calls to them at their current workplace and waiting for gunshots…

  4. You’re expected to ask a ‘stress’ question. You choose: a. “Can you give an example of a situation where you dealt with an unhappy customer?” b. “Can you give an example of a situation of high stress and how you overcame it?” c. “Describe your working style” d. “Can you give an example of when a handgun is appropriate in a workplace?”

  5. You have two candidates who are so alike it’s difficult to choose between them. You: a. Employ them both, knowing they will both do well in the company b. Toss a coin c. Organise a wrist wrestle - winner takes the job d. Lock them in a darkened room with a half brick each. The one that makes it out gets the job.

  6. A test of the applicant’s ability to ‘think outside the square’ is called for. Your question is: a. “Outline a method of integrating physical and online authentication” b. “Describe an alternative to ASP applications that would still reduce the requirement for hands-on administration” c. “In what non-temporary circumstances would the benefits of wireless networking outweigh those of wired - discounting cost?” d. “Outline a situation where you might pay an interview panel a large amount of untraceable currency just to get the job”

  7. When looking through a potential candidate’s resume’, which of the following ring warning bells: a. Their photograph b. (a), full size, as a coversheet c. “34th level mage, plus 10 for vanquishment, Dungeon Master” listed in hobbies d. Referees all have the same surname - as the applicant e. Their Typing Speed f. The document is more than 5 pages in length.

The words: g. “Certified OS2 Developer” h. “I have a home network of MicroVaxes” i. “MCSE” j. “I have 40 years experience in Computing” k. “I know C+++” l. All of the above.

  1. The HR Droid asks the candidate if they have any questions they wish to ask. The question they could ask which would most endear them to you would be: a. Is there shift work involved? b. What’s the salary of the position? c. Is there a Christmas Bonus? d. Did your mum buy that tie for you?

  2. A good candidate can often be determined by their choice of dress. For a technical role, you would be expecting to see: a. Suit and Tie b. Smart Casual c. Hard wearing and Practical d. Jeans, T-shirt and Penis tie

  3. As each applicant leaves the interview room, you should compliment them on some part of their interview process. You would say: a. “Thanks, that was great” b. “Great, thanks very much, we’ll be contacting you shortly” c. “I know I shouldn’t say this, but you seem to be the ideal candidate” d. (c), and then “..but I know the chick with the big bazookies will get the job”